First off....as I am writing this, I am sitting in my car outside my church because I was at the beach today in the heatwave with one of my best friends....ahhhh delightful! :).....I just finished eating Jimmy John's and drinking an ice cold Caramel Light Frapp.
I have been really frustrated with several things lately. First off, I am getting a bit stir crazy with the end of the summer fast approaching. I couldn't be more excited about getting my last semester of college done. Secondly, I have had a lot of time to think because I traveled to MI yesterday there and back in one day. That's about 5 hours total of driving in one day. Hence alot of time to think and work things out.
I have been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Like just bizarre! Anyways, I hear that we dream to try to work out our problems that we have a hard time solving during the day. I have no idea if that is true or not, but I think that if that is the case, then mine stand for something else, or the people in them do at least! haha. Anyways, I guess those are issues to tackle in my dreams only, not so much for the blog world. I don't tell you guys everything about my life!
Although, I will be completely honest. I have been so unhappy the last couple of weeks it has been out of control. And the truth is is that I started to get mad about it and blame God for where I am and how unhappy I am. I started doing the whole...."if i had this" or "if I was there or here then I would be happy." It is a shame that it has taken me almost all summer to realize what I did in worship today. I thought about how unhappy I was and I was like...why? why be that unhappy. Why choose anger over joy? why choose to get up everyday and not be satisfied in God alone? why would i choose anything but life and happiness with Christ? why would I ever wanna give into my temptations to be angry about the things in life that just don't matter? If I am truly saved (which I am) then why wouldn't I just be obedient to the Lord the way he wants me to? why would I choose to spit in the face of the God of the universe and not be happy with everything he has given me.
Honestly, I think it's because I am part of the entitled generation. I think that God owes me better than what I have. I think that God should make me more happy and I have it totally backwards. I should be the one to make him happy. I AM the one that owes him my life. He saved mine so I wouldn't have to endure Hell, and I treat him like I deserve better. I don't. I am a sinner and I deserve Hell, but the beauty of it all is that He chose to save me. He chose to love me. My friend Ryan posted a blog on my wall that reminded me of that. God chose me....God chose pain for me. God sent his son to die a horrible awful death that I could go free. God sacrificed his ONE AND ONLY son on my behalf just so I didn't have to go to Hell. A place I very much deserve. God gave me the choice and I chose to accept him as Lord of my life. I chose to invite him to be the King of my heart and I chose to die to my flesh. Everyday that choice has to be made....to die to myself and what I think I deserve. I have to die to my sin....I have to know that God knows what He is doing even if I think there is no "reward" in the things that he has called me to do. God gave me the choice to follow him, and I accepted it. He also gives me the choice to be joyful in all my circumstances. He gave me the free will to either be obedient or to wallow in my misery. He offers the most exciting adventurous life of mystery and excitement and it's my choice if I want that or not. Although sometimes it doesn't seem like he might be working, He is way behind the scenes shaping the paths and the nooks and crannies that are on my journey. I have to chose that although I might not like where I am at, God placed me here. I read this my sophomore year of college maybe and it is something that I think is worth reading and putting in my blog. This is by Max Lucado.
I choose love . . .
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.
I choose joy . . .
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose peace . . .
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose patience . . .
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose kindness . . .
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose goodness . . .
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose faithfulness . . .
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.
I choose gentleness . . .
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.
I choose self-control . . .
I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.
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