Perspectives

One of the things I absolutely hate about being alone or the feeling of being alone is that there is plenty of time to think. Also, being super tired takes it's toll on me in the department of what i think about. I am very tired today. My head hurts. I have been thinking and thinking all week about things that I have no control over whatsoever. It's weird because I know that I have no control and yet i choose to think about these things. I keep giving them over to the Lord but to no avail. I feel like everyday is the same thing. I just need to be free.

There is a song that I was listening to called "My Freedom" by Krystal Meyers. In the song she asks Jesus to be her freedom. This is how i feel today. I want to be free from the things that tie me down. I want to be free to dance, to be free to laugh, to be free to enjoy where i am. I had dinner the other day with my friend Katie. We talked about contentment. I thought when we talked I was content with where i was at, but since then, i have become increasingly discontent with where i am. Those things that i do NOT have control over keep creeping up more and more everyday taunting me. I want freedom from the things that i do not control. I have felt disconnected from things/ people.

I used to think that I wasn't that much of a social butterfly as i actually am. yeah, I like my alone time, but honestly, sometimes i just wish i was more connected. There are many things that could be different in my life, but they all wouldn't be right. I think about the things that I could make happen on my own and I know that because God blessed me with talents and abilities I could choose to not acknowledge him and do things that i shouldn't. I know that those two statements are oxymoronic. (i think i just made that word up). What i'm trying to say is that I know that the talents and abilities that I have come from God, and therefore making what  I do, never "on my own." God has to make things happen.

I read once in a book by Beth Moore, "A broken heart  never mended handicaps us terribly when we're challenged to trust." My heart has been broken before, but God has healed me in many areas. I am challenged to trust God this summer. I am thankful for God healing my brokenness before challenging me to trust him. I know that if i were the same person i was at the beginning of the 10-11 school year, I wouldn't be able to trust the Lord. I wouldn't even understand what it was like to do that. I do not want to be the same person that i was when i left LU in the spring as i am when i return in the fall. No one ever said that this road would be easy, but I was promised help, Praise the Lord.